The Server – A parody


The Wow Insiders Community Blog Topic, Would you play on an expansion specific server?, asks that straight forward question. My humble opinion is – I wouldn’t. I started playing World of Warcraft towards the end of the Burning Crusade and I still remember the harrowing experience. I might add I never made it to level 70 until Wrath of the Lich King had been going for well over a month. The Burning Crusade was just painfully slow.

I can’t say much about it, other than it would be a waste of time and resources to develop specific servers for specific expansions. In all likelyhood there would just be a handful of nostalgia seekers staying put, once the initial interest has died down. Maintaining servers for a miniscule minority just for the sake of Old Times would be bad for the whole franchise. It’s a dead idea – something Blizzard themselves has stated time and time again (in less provocative words of course).

The question of expansion specific servers did spawn a spoof script, so there’s at least some good in the idea. Enjoy.

– – – – –

Player 1 and 2 enters the Expansion Specific Outlet, where you order anything from a new class to a new playable race. Anything that is available, that is.

Player 1: “I’m so stoked! I’m gonna love ganking noobs in BGs, just like old skool Alterac, man!”
Player 2: “Yeah, and I’m gonna raid. I’m gonna raid my heart out!”
Player !: “High five?”
Player 2: “High Five, bro!”

The slap their hands and walk up to a salesmans counter, laughing and jesting.

Player 1: “Hi, man!”
“Salesman: “Hello, young man.”
Player 1: “So, uhm … I’m gonna go for that BC server, right. So I want something cool.”
Salesman: “Paladins, can’t go wrong with blood elf paladins.”
Player 1: “I want a death knight, cause they’re like, cool, yeah?”
Salesman: “Sorry, no death knights.”
Player 1: “You mean you’re out?”
Salesman: “Never had any. Want a shaman instead?”
Player 1: “What you mean ‘never had any’? I’ve been playing like, well, like ages, right. Like since ICC. My mains a death knight, sure you got ’em.”
Salesman looks around. “Uhm … No. Nope. No deathies.”
Player 1: “Don’t bullshit me man!”
Saleman: “I’m certainly not bullshitting you. This is the Burning Crusade. There are no death knights.”
Player 2: “Dude, he’s right, yao. They like got deathies in Lich King, y’know.”
Player 1: “Damnit! Ok, uhm … Give me a warrior then. A goblin warrior! That’s so cool!”
Salesman: “No goblins.”
Player 1: “What!? There’s like – tons of them! In Ratchet, other places!”
Salesman: “Those are non playable characters. Perhaps you want a draenei instead? Draeneis are cute.”
Player 1: “Aw c’mon! My buddy Jake’s got a goblin warrior! He’s been playin’ since like … Cataclysm.”
Salesman: “Again, young man. This is the Burning Crusade. There are no goblins
Player 1: “I … Ah what the frack, ok, a gnome then. Can I get it at level 90? I’m sort of in a rush to a BG and stuff.”
Salesman: “We only have level 1, sorry. You need to get it to 70 yourself.”
Player 1: “What!?”
Player 2: “Dude, Burning Crusade level cap was, like, 70. Y’know?”
Saleman: “Your friend is right. Now, will that be a subscription for four or five monnths?”
Player 1: “Give me that 7 day pass, that should be enough. Like, 70 levels will go snap, right. Just pop some looms, the guild xp bonus, the DF hats.”
Salesman: “Did you want a level 70?”
Player 1:: “Uh-huh.”
Salesman: “You want to go 10 levels per day for 7 days?”
Player 1: “Hey man, I’m like gonna be 70 tomorrow.”
Salesman: “No you won’t.”
Player 1: “Sure I will! Like I said, with looms a–”
Salesman: “No looms, sorry.”
Player 1: “No looms?”
Salesman: “No looms.”
Player 1: “What about guild buffs?”
Salesman: “Nu-uh. And no hats.”
Player 1: “But … But … But, what? I’m gonna have to level for like five months?”
Salesman: “You can do it in a months time, no problem. It’s the attunement, you see. The only way to gain access to raids are via a long and complicated process that requires a lot of time and effort. All so we know that You are a dedicated expert, an elite among peons. There’s a lot of nice rewards for it. Say, for instance, a chestpiece with more than 50 Strength.”

Player 1 laughs. Player 1 stops laughing when the Salesman gives a ‘smile’. That ‘I know something you don’t, young man’-smile. The smile of a grizzled veteran, who collected furry paws and batwings for a Darkmoon toy. The smile of someone who’s been through Hell – that is Molten core – over and over again. There’s a look in the salesmans eyes, void of life. A ten thousand yard stare. Eyes that have seen the terror of attunement – and conquered it. Eyes that chased down every single piece of nature resistance gear there was – or something similar. Eyes of someone who lived through the hellish times of looking like a clown.

Player 1 (in a low scared voice): “Ok … Give me a level 1 gnome warrior then. Can I have a protodrake as mount?”
Salesman: “Nope. You can get a Netherdrake after approximately 44 days. Of course, you need to be able to fly first. Would you like to pay 1.500 gold for a ground mount now or later?”
Player 1: “Don’t screw me, man. Mounts are like 20 gold or something.”
Salesman: “Not in the Burning Crusade they’re not.”
Player 1: “I can’t afford that right now.”
Salesman: “Then you won’t get a drake. You must be able to fly to accept the first quest of a long and convoluted quest line. You know, jus to start the grind.”
Player 1: “Ok, you know what? Screw your stupid game! I’m going back to Pandaria! At least that’s fun!”
Salesman: “Fun? Do you really think that World of Warcraft should be fun?”
Player 1: “It’s a game! Sure it should be fun!”
Salesman: “You go home now, boy. come back when you’ve grown a pair.”
Player 1: “What!?”
Salesman: You … ARE NOT PREPARED!!!”


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