The Server – A parody

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The Wow Insiders Community Blog Topic, Would you play on an expansion specific server?, asks that straight forward question. My humble opinion is – I wouldn’t. I started playing World of Warcraft towards the end of the Burning Crusade and I still remember the harrowing experience. I might add I never made it to level 70 until Wrath of the Lich King had been going for well over a month. The Burning Crusade was just painfully slow.

I can’t say much about it, other than it would be a waste of time and resources to develop specific servers for specific expansions. In all likelyhood there would just be a handful of nostalgia seekers staying put, once the initial interest has died down. Maintaining servers for a miniscule minority just for the sake of Old Times would be bad for the whole franchise. It’s a dead idea – something Blizzard themselves has stated time and time again (in less provocative words of course).

The question of expansion specific servers did spawn a spoof script, so there’s at least some good in the idea. Enjoy.

– – – – –

Player 1 and 2 enters the Expansion Specific Outlet, where you order anything from a new class to a new playable race. Anything that is available, that is.

Player 1: “I’m so stoked! I’m gonna love ganking noobs in BGs, just like old skool Alterac, man!”
Player 2: “Yeah, and I’m gonna raid. I’m gonna raid my heart out!”
Player !: “High five?”
Player 2: “High Five, bro!”

The slap their hands and walk up to a salesmans counter, laughing and jesting.

Player 1: “Hi, man!”
“Salesman: “Hello, young man.”
Player 1: “So, uhm … I’m gonna go for that BC server, right. So I want something cool.”
Salesman: “Paladins, can’t go wrong with blood elf paladins.”
Player 1: “I want a death knight, cause they’re like, cool, yeah?”
Salesman: “Sorry, no death knights.”
Player 1: “You mean you’re out?”
Salesman: “Never had any. Want a shaman instead?”
Player 1: “What you mean ‘never had any’? I’ve been playing like, well, like ages, right. Like since ICC. My mains a death knight, sure you got ’em.”
Salesman looks around. “Uhm … No. Nope. No deathies.”
Player 1: “Don’t bullshit me man!”
Saleman: “I’m certainly not bullshitting you. This is the Burning Crusade. There are no death knights.”
Player 2: “Dude, he’s right, yao. They like got deathies in Lich King, y’know.”
Player 1: “Damnit! Ok, uhm … Give me a warrior then. A goblin warrior! That’s so cool!”
Salesman: “No goblins.”
Player 1: “What!? There’s like – tons of them! In Ratchet, other places!”
Salesman: “Those are non playable characters. Perhaps you want a draenei instead? Draeneis are cute.”
Player 1: “Aw c’mon! My buddy Jake’s got a goblin warrior! He’s been playin’ since like … Cataclysm.”
Salesman: “Again, young man. This is the Burning Crusade. There are no goblins
Player 1: “I … Ah what the frack, ok, a gnome then. Can I get it at level 90? I’m sort of in a rush to a BG and stuff.”
Salesman: “We only have level 1, sorry. You need to get it to 70 yourself.”
Player 1: “What!?”
Player 2: “Dude, Burning Crusade level cap was, like, 70. Y’know?”
Saleman: “Your friend is right. Now, will that be a subscription for four or five monnths?”
Player 1: “Give me that 7 day pass, that should be enough. Like, 70 levels will go snap, right. Just pop some looms, the guild xp bonus, the DF hats.”
Salesman: “Did you want a level 70?”
Player 1:: “Uh-huh.”
Salesman: “You want to go 10 levels per day for 7 days?”
Player 1: “Hey man, I’m like gonna be 70 tomorrow.”
Salesman: “No you won’t.”
Player 1: “Sure I will! Like I said, with looms a–”
Salesman: “No looms, sorry.”
Player 1: “No looms?”
Salesman: “No looms.”
Player 1: “What about guild buffs?”
Salesman: “Nu-uh. And no hats.”
Player 1: “But … But … But, what? I’m gonna have to level for like five months?”
Salesman: “You can do it in a months time, no problem. It’s the attunement, you see. The only way to gain access to raids are via a long and complicated process that requires a lot of time and effort. All so we know that You are a dedicated expert, an elite among peons. There’s a lot of nice rewards for it. Say, for instance, a chestpiece with more than 50 Strength.”

Player 1 laughs. Player 1 stops laughing when the Salesman gives a ‘smile’. That ‘I know something you don’t, young man’-smile. The smile of a grizzled veteran, who collected furry paws and batwings for a Darkmoon toy. The smile of someone who’s been through Hell – that is Molten core – over and over again. There’s a look in the salesmans eyes, void of life. A ten thousand yard stare. Eyes that have seen the terror of attunement – and conquered it. Eyes that chased down every single piece of nature resistance gear there was – or something similar. Eyes of someone who lived through the hellish times of looking like a clown.

Player 1 (in a low scared voice): “Ok … Give me a level 1 gnome warrior then. Can I have a protodrake as mount?”
Salesman: “Nope. You can get a Netherdrake after approximately 44 days. Of course, you need to be able to fly first. Would you like to pay 1.500 gold for a ground mount now or later?”
Player 1: “Don’t screw me, man. Mounts are like 20 gold or something.”
Salesman: “Not in the Burning Crusade they’re not.”
Player 1: “I can’t afford that right now.”
Salesman: “Then you won’t get a drake. You must be able to fly to accept the first quest of a long and convoluted quest line. You know, jus to start the grind.”
Player 1: “Ok, you know what? Screw your stupid game! I’m going back to Pandaria! At least that’s fun!”
Salesman: “Fun? Do you really think that World of Warcraft should be fun?”
Player 1: “It’s a game! Sure it should be fun!”
Salesman: “You go home now, boy. come back when you’ve grown a pair.”
Player 1: “What!?”
Salesman: You … ARE NOT PREPARED!!!”

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The light to see

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It’s been a busy week, to say the least. One of those weeks with a need to juggle writing jobs and World of Warcraft – not to mention mundane things such as feeding the cats (and others). Still, I think I came out on top of it. Cassanna the Huntress blasted from a long level 70 hiatus to 90 in about 2 days with a bit of boost help through Lich King dungeons.

(I never run (PuG) dungeons on a hunter. Somehow things just die too fast for me to take a careful aim. It’s like “I am a stone … a silent ki… Oh for fracks sake! They’re dead!?”.)

That was last week, of course. This week, thanks to World of Lae it’s mage week. And do I have a story to tell. Let’s start from the beginning, as all great stories start just there. Once upon a time I was sick of melee classes. I had painfully struggled my way to 80 – this was in Wrath of the Lich King – on a retribution paladin, Shuanna (also my first character on EU Saurfang). I needed a change. I had dabbled with ranged classes before but never seriously considered a mage.

Thus Cahanna was born. I spent a good half an hour trying out different names, ending up with a name I never really liked. But I had to live with it; my imagination had run dry and it was either Cahanna or “Mageypants” (no one in their right RP-mind would ever let themselves use such an abomination of a name!).

Back then, early Cataclysm, Arcane was the King of the Mountain. Of course, being a stubborn person with an afffinity for pet peeves I chose Fire instead. Because things that go “Boom!” are more fun than things that go “Fzzzrrtttt!”. I leveled to 63 as Fire, rather pleased with crits of 9.000. Also, the name – Cahanna – grew on me. I became increasingly infatuated with the often scantily clad mage.

One day I was happily burning fel orcs close to Hellfire Citadel when a guildie proposed I should go Arcane. I said I was fine with Fire. The guildie persisted. Eventually I grumbled a bit, changed spec – Arcane was my second spec, never used – and started a few testruns. That’s when it hit me. Well, actually it hit a fel orc – a crit of almost 20.000. I was amazed. Flabebrgasted. What the flying fuck was that!? I looked around ,surely there were some 85 mage hiding? But no. It was Lil C …

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One level later she became Big C. The infatuation grew to affection. The levels flew by; 70, 75. One memorable moment was soloing the boss of Utgarde Keep; the rest of the group was dead, boss at 50%. By the time the others arrived he was down to 1%.

Now, to keep the feet planted firmly in the ground I’d like to mention another, less memorable, moment – just to balance things out. I reached level 85 eventually. A guildie – the mage who convinced me to go Arcane – made me some PvP gear, just to break the iLvl for the Cataclysm Heroics. From there on the gear and valor points just piled up. When LFR came around I was curious, so I popped into a raid and …

And I had rearranged my keys. I used to have Arcane Brilliance on “8” but had replaced it with Ice Lance. When the raid party started buffing up, muscle memory made me hit “8”. I had Ultraxion targeted. It could have been me, but it could have been an over-eager tank as well. I’m not exactly sure who pulled the boss while people were still getting dressed. But I take it as a Mea Culpa, just in case.

While stacking up valor points I also set off on an epic adventure of my own. I like soloing old content and what better way to have fun than kill two birds with one stone? So I decided I should go for “the Exalted” title. The mission was impossible, or so I thought. I spent close to a year, more or less, grinding out the necessary reputations. Amassing a ton of netherweave and other stuff in the process (wich turned into shiny gold coins on the AH). Then, one day, I was there. The moment of epicness will never leave my mind.

It was short a few weeks before Mists of Pandaria was expected. The day before I had blasted through Karazhan with some guildies. I ended up on 99% in reputation. To quote Darth Vader: “Nooooo!”. I grumbled a lot in guild chat, thinking I had to wait another week for that elusive title I had been chasing for so long. Then a guildie told me that trash respawn but bosses don’t (I didn’t know that!). I headed back, burning through trash, seeign the reputation stack up. Then, right on the stage of the Opera Event, I blasted down a pack of mobs that had chased after me … Aaand!

The light to see. Sometimes it comes with Gandlaf in Moria. Sometimes it comes center stage as a reward for a long sought wish: the ultimate achievement (at least for someone like me).

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Cahanna has amassed quite a lot of fun toys over time. One in partuclar is always useful – the Orb of the Sin’dorei. I know, it’s probably silly, but changing into a blood elf is fun! Especially if you’re a transmog addict as well. These days – since Arcane took a beating with Mists of Pandaria and I’ve only started, cautiously, to experiment in Frost – Cahanna spends most of her time digging. Archaeology that is. When she’s not digging up Mogu slivers of the past (and running away, like Rincewind, when an angry Yangol wants to eat her), she’s … well.

Doing silly stuff.

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Cahanna being a very silly “BLood elf”

Or just showing off how awesome she really is. Well, sort of. She do share a sense of un-fashion with the adopted one, Sharenne the Warlock.

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“Never underestimate a mage …”

Zed, the well behaved Raptor

It’s #hunterweek! It’s also a I Have A New computer Week! It’s a lil’ beuty, that computer. I returned from a walk and there is was, courtesy of my partner. A new computer means a lot of things. Most of all it meant a return to World of Warcraft. Much can be said about returning to Azeroth after a forced 8 months long break but I won’t say it here. That’s for the future (likely I have to start Archaeology again on some toon, just so I have time to do something else but killing internet dragons; it’s amzing how much work you can get done while flying from Uldum to Winterspring).

Hunter week, alas. As it happened I was lucky enough to acutally have a hunter. She’s the kid sister of teh family, Cassanna is her name and … I was utterly bored with her. Sorry Cass, but you’re not a very talkative draenei you know. There’s more to life than the grain weight of buckshot or the air velocity of the New Bow (“I was like, whoa! Sis! This damned bow is amazing! You want hear about how I once skinned a worm in 5 sec… you’re going? I thought you loved me!”).

Cass is a bit … well. It’s hard to socialize when you spend most of the time in the outbacks of civilisation literally killing for a living.

A few weeks before my old computer said “No!” I had more or less shelved Cassanna. The daily routine of shoot, kill, skin had worn me out. Hunter – a class I actually enjoy – was no fun no more. For many a reason leveling Cassanna pre 5.1 was a pain in the ass. Northrend was slow. Slow! I had blasted through Outlands in less than two days and then I hit the wall of the north. Outleveling a complete expansion, the burning Crusade, in less than half of a week had left me with a backlog of outdated Leatherworking. I spent more time in Terokkar oneshotting than questing in Northrend. by the time I hit 70 I was fed up.

I rarely do dungeons on a hunter. While I’m not a very competetive person by nature I do enjoy being in the top 3 (or first). Somehow – I have no idea why since every other class* works out just perfectly – I can’t keep up on a hunter. No matter what spec I’m in. I loathe Beast Mastery. Teh only reason I specced BM was the rare pets I can tame. So, in 99% of the time I’m Markmanship. It’s perfect for questing (and hunting). But it is … slow. Or rather – it was slow.

To my utter amazement this is no longer the case. I returned to my dusty character Cassanna the day before yesterday. She was 70. She is now 85. How the heck did that happen!? Ah …

The XP requirement for Wrath of the Lich King has been reduced by 30%. 8 months absence meant a lot of rested XP. With heirlooms there was a definite boost as well (I know there’s a few Darkmoon Faire items as well but I haven’t used them; the Faire is boring).

With the help of a guildie – the masterful hunter Viszla, btw! – we stormed the Nexus. Then we continued to storm a string of dungeons. In about three hours I boomed from 70 to 73, then my rested XP ran out. But all in all the wall of the north is no more; I roflstomped my solo way through quests and hunting for most of a day and all of a sudden I hit level 80. That was in Halls of Lightning, by the way, with a nice boost from the master hunter mentioned above. It took another day to reach 85 so now I’m all set for not only Pandaria but also the very reason I once rolled Cassanna: Deth’tilac <The Smouldering Darkness> .

What with the headline, you say? Oh, that. Zed the Raptor is a well behaved raptor. If you don’t believe me, just take a look at the vacation photo from Hyjal.

Let’s hope “Dethy” can behave just as good.

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These are not for eating, Zed!