How old we are!

For reasons unexplained I sort of got hooked on my “About” page. I tend to skim what I’ve written in the past in hope of threads to unwind, secrets to explore, ghosts in the shell to excorcise. Perhaps it’s a sort of literary narcissism (does that word lack a “c”?). My memory is pretty darned good but at the same time I also have a “google memory”; you know, that slight insecurity prompiting you to muter “I better google it”. And waddayakno (that’s a word with 508 results by the way)!

I skimmed through the mentioning of my first World of Warcraft toon – Taramek the Warrior, who died at level 5. So maybe she was 15 (human) years when she died – that’s still a tragedy, by the way. Wich leads me to my first thought:

How old we are!

The age of our characters are a mystery. As far as I know, canonical lore have never elaborated on our characters age. There might be something in the paper roleplaying game but I don’t have a copy (also, it’s not considered canon). Now, I’m going full head canon here, because the topic of age interest me. Since I haven’t found any reliable World of Warcraft source on this topic I’m going to extrapolate with a twist from what I know of our own history.

If we consider Azeroth a more or less medieaval, “Dark Ages”, world, a superficial google search states that the median age in the 14th century was about 30 years of age. A lot of people lived longer, for sure. Once you reached 50 or 60 years of age you were considered old (and most likely extremely lucky). Case in point: Richard Plantaganet was I believe 19 years old when he set off on his crusade. The 14th century thus serves as a benchmark for my thoughts on the matter.

Let us agree on the following (for the sake of the argument): Each level roughly equals 1 month of experience. If our character starts out at age 15, level 1, they will be about 23 years old at level 90. Why 15? Well, usually our characters are neither nobles or wealthy at level 1. Age 15 is a good starting point; midlife and all. they are no longer children, they are (young) adults. The concept of “tweens” didn’t exist until the 21st century on planet Earth, you know.

So how old was my Taramek? Well … I’m at a bit of a loss, really. I haven’t found any reliable information on orc years versus human years (this touches on another subject – which calendar is the baseline for Azeroth? Human? Elf?). For simplicitys sake I’m going with 1 orc year equals 1 human year (both species are humanoid and I think this is a logical assumption; the demon taint likely influence body mass, not longevity).

Taramek was almost 16 when she died. 15 years, 5 months old. That’s when the hyena ripped her apart. That’s when a giraffe smashed her skull in. Now … my second Horde character, “born” around mid 2008 I think, was a troll. For simplicitys sake I’m sticking to the assumption trolls also age the way humans do.

Taramek the Troll (yeah, I reused the name!) retired at level 44. She was a warrior, a fearsome warrior in her own ways. One of the lone wolves of the world. I never ran her through dungeons. I leveled through questing alone. As such she was sort of a mercenary. She retired (and opened an inn at Zen’Jin Village!) at the age of 19. I guess there’s a bunch of troll kids running around these days. She did survive her “career” as a warrior. She’s likely running a safe house for people fleeing the wrath of Garrosh. Taramek was a great troll, honorable. She never learned how to ride but you now, dat’s cool, mon.

The oldest living Horde character I have is … uhm … 10 020 years old. Yeah, that’s right. Liftraser, a blood elf warlock. Amazing really, she’s still around – flaunting her thies and red hair as she struts around Undercity muttering “Reg’s rent’s been due for the last year bloody undead freeloaders!”. She did take a “business trip” to Orgrimmar shortly before Pandaria was discovered and I left her there, close to the bank. She’s residing on the EU Alonsus server, by the way. A level 71 warlock, dressed in a haute couture dress. It was a fun suprise to find her bank full of lock boxes and Scarlet Crusade Insignias (back then I didn’t know rogues, or blacksmiths, could open lockboxes; those boxes are pre-Cataclysm … imagine what might be inside them!).

I stuck around on the Alonsus server for awhile even after I changed allegiance and turned Alliance. I was a bit bored with the Horde so I thought the grass would be greener in the Eastern Kingdoms. I rolled a night elf hunter named Priss and reached level 68 on her before I grew bored with World of Warcraft. This was … a few months before Wrath of the Lich King. When I returned, about a month or so before Wrath of the Lich King , I felt the need to explore something completely new. So I changed server – and I’ve been on the same server ever since, EU Saurfang. I chose the name because it sounded cool and at the time it was a medium population server. Less queue-times, you know. I was … charmed, yeah that’s the right word, I was charmed by a draenei paladin. Shuanna.

She’s pretty lively for a person aged 15 008 years old! That’s level 87, if you wonder. I was on my way to level 90 when my computer said no, had a fit, felt the weltschmerz close in and decided World of Warcraft was a No Go-zone. Damned graphics card – left my Shu in stasis, the Big Dark.

I’ve tried to find a great way of ending this post but I haven’t found anything better than pure dadaism. So:



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