Pet peeve no. 1

/Start Rant

Any human being (or draenei) tend to have them. The small problems that’s not quite as important as to go amok but slowly grinds you down. You know, like the drop of water on a stone. Eventually even the Holy Priest class change to an orc Warlock just to go “Raaawwwrrrr!”. Then giggle, maniacally.

I’m not immune to the pet peeves. They’re abundant in WoW – and elsewhere. In fact, one of my major pet peeves with the whole “epic fantasy warfare” genre is strategy and tactics. I’d like to kick off with something not WoW, if I may. I’d like to start with Dragon Age; ORigins, an excellent game and all. But …

Really?

The epic first battle between Ferelden and forces of the Blight at Ostagar is impressive, gigantic, epic. It sets the scene for the almost invincible enemy our Hero eventually has to fight. It’s a pivotal battle for Fereldens humans and in the long run for every living thing not yet a genlock. The stage is set in a typical manner: A Mighty Fortress, a Boy King, an Unstoppable Enemy – and Fereldens version of the Argent Crusade, the Grey Wardens. Two massive armies facing off against each other. Hell yeah!

What do you do with a massive army and a massive fortress? I doubt anyone in a sane place would say “place the army outside the fortress, for glory!”. I doubt they’ll say “keep your heavy artillery on the third floor in a tower built over tunnels we haven’t explored completely”. I doubt he’ll say “That’s just rabble, sure they got ogres, but we’re the good guys, right? Right!?”.

We know what happens. A valiant charge indeed. It’s like Front Line Assembly puts it: “Nothing for the loser, the hero always dies”. The brilliant military masterminds of Our Age (if we believe we live in the fantasy world complete with intelligent kings and Terrible Foes) watch our back. I wonder what the few survivors from the battle of Ostagar said on their hasty retreat. I doubt they said “Valiant try! An honor to fight! glory to all!”. They probably turned republican – “stupid king, using us as bait when we had twenty feet of stone walls to hide behind”.

What gives? At least Tolkien got it right. Helms Deep is a siege. Minas Tirith is a siege. Ostagar is a military disaster (“for glory!”). There’s a serious case of Tennyson going on in a lot of modern fantasy – “Ours not to reason why, ours just to do or die”. that’s not the way to win a war, you know.

This brings me to one of my biggest pet peeves in World of Warcraft. Specifically Wrath of the Lich King. Especially the Argent Tournament. WHY THE HELL DO YOU NEED MOUNTED KNIGHTS SPOILING FOR A JOUST WHEN THE TARGET IS ON THE TOP FLOOR OF A BLOODY TOWER!!?

There. I feel much better now.

but c’mon, Tirion! You’re a fucking military mastermind! You’ve whopped Artys ass at least once! So what’s up with all this horseback crap? There’s no point! Yes, I know – “gameplay mechanics demand” etc etc. The Argent Tournament was a precursor to what I like to think of as the Harrowing: The Golden Lotus dailies bonanza in Mists of Pandaria. Oh, we should have known … not only was the Beware of the “Unbeatable?” Pterodactyl a once only quest that magically turned into a daily. We also had our fill with both Therazane and dailies in Twilight Highlands. Dailies are another pet peeve, by the way. I’m not sure if I like them or not; they’re fun the first 5 times. Then it’s more like chinese water torture (wich I imagine goes very well with the asian theme of MoP).

The utter _stupidity_ of militrary commanders in Azeroth is mindboggling. There’s no end to it! Patch 5.4 is coming up and from what I’ve heard and seen from datamined stuff things go sour about 2 minutes after landing on the beach. Gameplay trumps lore, always, I know. Wich is why this is a pet peeve. I believe the initial territorial gains of the Horde in Ashenvale has been lost, in lore, that is. Night elves have pushed back the Horde all the way to Azshara. From a strategic perspecitve an assault on Orgrimmars back door would make more sense than a naval invasion of a heavily fortified port. Or, you know – something. Why not drop a big bloody Arcane bomb on the whole of Orc City? give a goblin tech enough gold and he’ll forget his “Loktar”.

but no-oo… Honor. Better to kill 10.000 soldiers in a stupid invasion from the sea than slowly starve the halfcrazed asshat Garrosh out. Speaking of wich; the Alliance has plenty of assassins (just pick any rogue specced as an ass and give him a legendary cloak; he undoubtedly allready have legendary daggers). But no-ooo. Honor!

No wonder Anduin goes “whatever!” – and sneaks out the door. Alone. At night. For a meeting with a potentially psychotic black dragon in human-ish disguise.

/End Rant.

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